to the place where I belong

Reguardless of who still writes or even reads here, I wanted to make a public entry.

For whatever reason, I'm not falling asleep. I couldn't help but read some old joiurnal entriesl; this was the best line I read over: I told Sara he is the most adorable thing ever. It feels like being 15 is a lot more than 3 years ago, but I giggle just the same when I think of that Christmas party. I am going back there 2 weeks from today.

This song is absolutely perfect.

other updates: went on a lot of disaster dates recently, VERY short lived boyfriend (8 days), work has become Telemundo, full time sucks, went on a date with a guy thats liked me for a year, asked out a girl who has a girlfriend, losing weight, dad's in intensive care, mom's crazy brother passed away and her sister took over as the family psycho, uhhh my ear popped 3 days ago and won't pop back, and my most beloved conductor does not run my train home anymore. :[ The latter of all that is honestly the most distressing.

cannot wait for vacation.

  • Current Music
    Daughtry - Home (Acoustic)

(no subject)

Congratulations to me and my two years on being vegan. I've been vegetarian, loosely, for over 10 years, but the past two years have been amazing considering all that I have changed and accomplished and decided about my future and my career and I really rock at run on sentences. Its pretty much two years to the day, and just like last year I am about to go out on the Taste of Chaos for a few days. I'm also pretty sure I'm going to be a finalist in another peta2 contest-- I'll keep you posted.

Welcome to the world, Marian Zaire Orange. My best friend had her second baby March 1st. Coming from someone who is not a fan of anything younger than me, I love this baby! I'm going to spoil her rotten...

I got a new job, and I start next week. They hired me before I even finished the application, it was amazing. Its going to change so much in my life. I've been going through everything without two of my oldest best friends, but those bitches cut me off and fuck them. I am tired of getting on trains to God knows where to see someone who won't even fucking call me. Fuck you both, it is your loss. Neither of them even pay attention to this, so anything I say doesn't matter anyway. I'm just angry to the core about being taken for granted, and I could rant about it for paragraphs. Only then I would be overshadowing that I've gaining a new extended family and I'm getting sooo much closer to beautiful Norfolk...

  • Current Music
    Thursday - Understanding in a Car

la da da...

Its come to my attention that I have yet to write a public entry this year. Does anyone feel like commenting to keep in touch?

PETA2 asked me to table with them at Taste of Chaos in Chicago, and I might go to Milwaukee, too. For some reason, I am very nervous. Last year was a struggle, and if anyone punches me again I won't have Rob or the rest of Adair to back me up... Also on that note, a new job is on the way. I just fell madly in love with one of my weekly regulars, though. I call him Gene because he has an attitude bigger than the Great Wall of China. I do know his name, though. Our chats are the absolute high point of my work days, and I will miss him dearly if I can't drag him to my new job. I will miss all of my regular men, from the guy that burned me a cd to the guy that calls me Cyndi Lauper (and all the ones that say I look like Christina Aguilera) to the big solid muscle guy who makes me giggle nonstop.

Something I've wanted since I was very small was to be popular, to know everyone, but honest to God talking to everyone that I meet downtown seems to really have only hurt me badly. I don't understand how grown men can lie straight through their fucking teeth about a little girl who just tries to be nice and fucking bakes cookies. I baked them cookies. Why are you goossiping about me...? Metra breaks my spirit sometimes.

Somewhat on that note-- attn married men: STAY AWAY! What am I, some kind of fucking magnet?! There is a relationship that I am trying to make work. As much as I just don't, I think I really want to attach myself to something/someone positive and stay out of trouble.

There's been a God awful blizzard going on. There is a foot of snow on the ground, and I own no boots. My train stalled on the tracks for about half an hour, but at least it's no where near as bad as South Chicago trains in the rain that slide through open intersections. My parents offered to just pay me what I make in a day if I stay home from work tomorrow, but you might as well ask me to not see Mest on my birthday (okay, not the best example anymore). I am about to run downstairs and bake some heart and kiss shaped cookies and brownies drowned in rum.

I actually had planned on going to see a friend's band tonight. He was going to be my valentine, and I thought it was funny we both coincedentally dressed up for each other. The show ended up getting cancelled at the last minute, and I ended up compensating by sucking down a soy almond latte (long live Seattle) and shopping. Downtown walking down the streets, so beautiful.... I bought/made this:

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and it is bound to be a hot mess. I can feel it in my bones. From someone who told me they cared about me more than anyone else turning their back on me, to me fucking punching my man over the weekend, whatever happens tomorrow night will be a last minute plan. In spite of some bitches, though, it is my favorite holiday, and I will try to make it a good one. This heartlock really makes me feel so good...

  • Current Music

Your eyes are electric tonight.

My year is complete when we hit Christmastown. It's the only thing we still do today that we did 4 years ago, where nothing has changed and no one has ever interupted. [except over the phone, but I'll stop griping about that now.] Every year I buy us chocolate covered gingerbread hearts and buy myself an ornament, though this year I have no tree I could not pass up a glittery leopard print ornament.

I baked about 4 dozen cookies and delivered them to my favorite Metra men. I am starting to handle being the foundation for everyone's gossip a lot easier now. I need to buy more mistletoe before my train home tomorrow... ;)

Kids scamming downtown should not fuck with me. I don't care if you're twice my size, I will call you out and when you flip out on me calling me a bitch do not be surprised when you make no money that day. You are fucking chicken shit scammers that I have watched work for years and I have seen these kids run from being arrested before (WHY RUN IF YOU ARE ONLY 'FUNDRAISING'?!) You give the rest of us honest leafletters a bad rep. So don't mess. Don't mess.

This year has of course been rocky as shit with probably more lows than highs, but I swear the best part of my year has been getting hired. I don't think my boss understands the chance he took hiring me when no one else would, and how down and desperate I was for a job. Not to mention, I would be without my new best friend, my first real best friend in the city... She has been the best part of my year. However. I actually haven't gone to work the past two days because I've been painfully weak. It's the effect of something that I know is my fault, but I really crashed hard and could barely get out of bed. If I rest through the weekend I should be okay for a few more months, when I'll definitely be out of commision for a week again.

This isn't my end of the year entry, though, so I'll end it here. Have a good weekend! ♥

  • Current Music
    MEST - Cursed

You can find me in...

St. Louis is no longer on my shit list, though I'll admit it had no real reason to be there in the first place.

And with that said! I came back from a weekend trip to the lou earlier today.

While I try to use my cookies for good and not naughtyness, I love that all of a sudden someone sure does flirt with me quiet a bit.

I stayed up all through Friday night baking snow men and chocolate chunk cookies. I absolutely loved hearing Patrick pick up a cookie and exclaim, "This one has a blue scarf!" Pretty much no two were alike -- hand frosted with all different details -- and I was so excited to deliver about five dozen cookies to my favorite vegan boys. They really appreciated it! I know they did. It's such a sweet change of pace to hang out with a St. Louis band who loves my cookies and is nice to me! HA.

I forgot how much fun it was to travel to a new city to meet someone for the first time.

Ever since Seattle, I have [missed Adair and] been really eager to sight see when I am out of town. Sabrina took me to the Arch. They take you up in tiny fucking space capsles, I swear. No windows, barely 3 feet wide... crazy shit, not to mention the cars rock and you are going up on an angle. It was amazing, though. St. Louis is great city, I know, and I barely saw any of it. I just had such a great trip.

I truely, truely love Adair and someone [else] was saying to me recently it's a lot easier to be friends with someone when you don't like their music. It's true. Holy shit, though, do I love I Buried My Heart In Cosmo Park. I love how, when we were hanging out, Rob turned to Jeff to find out where in the set they were playing it and I told Rob, completely talking out of my ass, they should play it third. Sure enough, they listened. It was hilarious; I had just got done telling Sabrina no body says no to me...... "Anything for you," he told me. ♥

Kiss under the mistletoe. He is just about my favorite vegan man ever.

I have so much more I could say. It was such a fun trip. If anyone wants to see more photos, comment [all comments are screened.] and I may update or edit during the week!

  • Current Music
    Adair - The Ghosts Of Who We Were

All those things that you hide...

I'm pretty long over due for a public entry, yes? What have you missed..... Well, since October...

glitter, glitter, glitter!!!

Since this is more than likely my last Christmas in the city, I've been trying to hit all of the little festival things going down. I've seen more fireworks in the past month than I think I've seen in the past 5 years.

I've been dealing with Chicago drama a lot better lately. People come and go so quickly here! (place the quote, win a cookie!) I truely am closing in on the days when I say good-bye. PETA wants me to intern now.

I got a new car and a new computer.

I've seriously been house shopping. Please please please, Blue Island here I come!! Kenwood/Hyde Park has also been in the talks, but I can't fathom ever having a REAL purpose of taking South Chicago trains every day! ha.

I've extremely on and off been dating someone completely amazing, a little too amazing if you ask me...

I came to the conclusion that my coworker Stacy is completely amazing and I don't know how I could have kept living in this city working this job all this time without her. She is the Britney to my Paris, or the Robin to my Batman (literally).

I spent Thanksgiving with her family (will be Christmas, too) and they told me they'd gladly take me in their family as long as I keep bringing cookies. What a great deal!

Metra men are ridiculous. Stop talking about me!! You don't know me!!! (Eh, Krista!)

However, recently there was a... situation in a Metra station. Gun man, hostages, victims, the entire block shut down for the whole nine yards. This is about the third time that something like this has happened since I started working in the loop in July. It hit too close to home to have one of my best friends involved in this, and though in the end it turned out to have truely nothing to do with Metra it fucking shook me up. I couldn't stop thinking of him, and how he's told me before, "You've always got to be looking out around here. You never know when someone could just be outside shooting for fun. That's why you have to live every day like it's your last." "Stop! You're making me nervous," I told him. "Why?" "Because you just are. I don't want to hear it, so stop." But I kept hearing it over and over again Friday night..... the whole speech, what everyone has told me about where I ride through on my trains, and I thought of everyone but myself and how my whole love for downtown can be taken away in a flash. So it's felt extremely good to have seen all of my favorite men lately. Saturday night I didn't want him to let me go.

I've found this customer who just might be the most amazing man to have ever come by the restaurant, ever. Every time I see him walking up, I think to myself "Here comes Gene!" not because he looks anything like Gene Louis, but because he has the hugest fucking attitude and damn is he hilarious. He's incredibly off beat and quirky, and in spite of the massive lacking of heart tattoos I think I like him more because unlike Gene he says I'm the best and he loves me! If I find out he works in the bulding, I have to ask him to be my date to the Christmas party! Damn I already have so many people asking me to dance. I won't sit down all night! I'm only going on the condition of lots of free booze. This will be a fun train ride home!!! :x

The State of Illinois building Christmas party is this Thursday. My company party is hopefully Friday. I pulled my boss' name in the grab bag. Stacy pulled my name and I know this because [in her own words] she couldn't keep a secret if it were water and her name was camel. I've never done anything like this for Christmas, it's exciting! I cannot decide if I want to wear a purple dress with red fishnets or a short-sleeved green top with a long-sleeved red lace top under it with a leopard mini skirt. In addition to everything else that is so par-for-the-course at this point, it's nice that THIS has been what's on my mind more than anything else all week. Well, not quite more than how I am going to St. Louis this weekend!!!! My fucking trinity, a brand new friend, my vegan boys, my future husband helllllll yeaaaaaah. ♥

  • Current Music
    The Movielife - Face Or Kneecaps


I am nominated for peta2’s Libby Awards Best Star Street Teamer of 2006!!! Please click HERE & vote for me. :]

xo ♥

  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished

smart ass.

I flew to Seattle Friday night, what did you do? I bet it was not nearly as lovely as seeing a man covered in heart tattoos at a club called El Corazon. He knows that I was just thrilled to pieces over that. I think his face melted when I handed over a bucket of heartlock cookies. I fucking love him & Bullets and Octane so much. There's nothing better than dancing my heart out in the front row. Less than one more month until show #12... I cannot wait to see those babes again.

♥ xxxo.

  • Current Mood
    loved loved

Nothing can stop us now.

My birthday was Wednesday.

Monday, a coworker of mine shook my hand with a bill folded inside and told me to buy myself a dress. After I got off my train downtown, I ran into a pretty sweet man who paid me a lot of compliments. It was a great start for my birthday! Ash and I met up around our old spot and headed off for the northside to go to the Chicago Diner. I knew the only way I'd ever get him to go to a vegan restaraunt in Boystown was if it was my birthday or the night before I moved out of Chicago... and obviously, I'm still here. The tables completely turned: I ordered a big dinner, and he made a meal out of potatos. It was hilarious. I felt kind of bad, but I had a really good time and I really, really am thrilled to pieces that he at least tried a few slivers of vegan meat and cake.

There is a phantom package that my mom ordered for my birthday. It's yet to arrive. I don't think she has ever mail-ordered something for me before. She rarely shops for me at all, for anything. The best part about this is, from what I understand by her hints, she's not even completely sure what she ordered! I'm as excited to open it as I am excited to see her reaction to this thing. I got a few checks and twenties packed into cards from astranged relatives. Beggars can't be chosers, but I almost really don't like getting those cards. Almost. Ash made me a card, and bought me something pretty special. That and my dress are the only real things I've gotten thusfar. One person called me. My best friend forgot. There was no sign of anything Mest-related. It had some really strange points, but it was a pretty nice day. Any fun that was lagging behind will be made up for October 27th... ♥

And on that note... you guys thought it was weird that I wanted to follow Family Values? Yeah well, in November I'll be following around Papa Roach like a lost puppy. You know why... I fucking love those babes.

  • Current Music
    AFI - Wester