" Is this how you spell 'regret'? "

I am not telling you exactly what I did today; all I will say is that, in the works is possibly the most exciting thing of my youth. It makes me feel amazing, because it's all over these dolls that I adore to pieces.

It seems like I have no plans for my birthday, this Wednesday. I am bitter. I really miss Mest. You have no idea...

Humor me as I post a...
WISH LIST
· detailed, home made cards
· mix cds
· this box of mints with Emily from Corpse Bride on the front
· something that I've forgotten, that I've told you was special to me, but is so small, that I've over looked it right now...
and that's about it, unless anyone wants to pick up things like Marlboro lights, Smashbox cosmetics, this or a Tiffany necklace.

xo.

One year ago today... I wonder if Joey remembers as well as I do inching closer to the stage, and when I turned to her and said "We need to find their singer later. He's going to be my new friend!" I can't believe how much I've come to adore them.

However, if I ever doubted it, I've come to learn that boys in bands are certainly not relationship material. And with the exception of that, life has been smoothing out a lot lately. Autumn and winter do that; this is my favorite time of year. I knew that going to see RANCID two days in a row was going to set a tone for the rest of the year. I'm so pleased that I met Matt Freeman. :] Work has been quite alright. I had some lovely surprise visitors today, old friends from my first job... no one quite tops my favorite, er second favorite Irish guy, though. I've gotten humus for breakfast two days in a row. I am so glad that I found that little Meditteranian place in the back of the cafeteria! I think Friday I am going to spend about $20 on food there, to stock up for the weekend. I wish there were more cute men who worked in the state building. I am getting pretty disgusted with getting hit on by men twice my age. There was this nice young guy a few days ago that said something cute -- he wanted me to charge his AmEx card, and since we don't take that, it went something like: "You guys don't take AmEx, do you?" "Nope." "UGH. I don't like you guys. Well, I like you, but I don't like the rest of you." Stacy, my fellow cashier, was joking about how she gets all the people with crazy shit to say, and I get all the men that hit on me. She is awesome. There is this cute boy that I found working here the other day... more on that some other day, maybe. On my way into the building today, there was a storybook reading of Monsters Inc. It premiers on ice here next Wednesday, which I'd oh-so-casually like to mention is my birthday. I keep forgetting that I have a doctor's appoitment tomorrow morning, and I'll have to wake up over an hour earlier than usual for it... :[

Keep in touch. How is everyone's first semester, etc. going?

What did YOU do last night?!

xo.

I love working across the street from one of my best friends.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is September!!!! It is Autumn. It is beautiful. It is the beginning of the best part of the year. It is barely 3 weeks until my birthday!!! and this time next week I will be dancing my heart out at the House of Blues for Rancid. ♥

I finally bought a memory card for my camera. You can expect lots badly aimed photos all the time now. :]

Hey darlings. How was your weekend?! I'd have to say mine was quite special. Leave comments and keep in touch.

Thursday night, I just couldn't handle the idea of my favorite band playing directly across from a Greyhound station WITHOUT me dancing my heart out in the front row. That said, I woke up at about 5 AM Friday morning and hauled ass out to the Iowa border to catch a Bullets and Octane show on the Family Values tour.

I'm pretty sweet on this man.
I ♥ when he wraps his arms around me.

I've only been hitting these shows for about 11 months, but Friday night was my 10th show. I'll spare you from my gushing; I'll just say that when we first saw each other, some of them definitely geeked out more than I did. I've never seen such a huge, cute grin than when their singer tried to strike a tough pose and stare down all the kids on the barricade right before show time and then completely geeked out when he saw me. I could hear him yell "HIIII!!!!" over the speakers. They are fucking precious, and so fantastic on stage.

I formally apologize to any pretty lady at a show that I ever snickered at when I was younger. It's not fun to be judged for my looks, but it sure is a fucking blast to be the pretty lady who is getting escorted to the barricade without a ticket, gets picks and drumsticks, lead by the hand backstage and anything else to make my night more fun. I've fallen into something really wild here.

10 shows and our year isn't even up... ♥
looks like I might go see those babes on the left coast soon. We'll see how that goes.
xxxo.

I will miss you.

My first fucking paycheck, thank you very much.
note -- That's from about 16 hours since I didn't start until Tuesday.

I like my job. Minimum wage, 20 hours, 5 days a week in the heart of the city with a ton of interesting people to see and really nice coworkers, yeah... not too bad at all. And here's a real shocker: I really like making milk shakes. There's a man who always pays in half dollar coins, a man who only orders one or two chicken fingers... I love the guy with the Irish accent who always calls me love! I'm pretty slow with taking orders and making change, though... it really annoys me that my boss is calling me slow compared to the other cashier who has been working there for 4 years. But you know, whatever...

I love this song. This band is amazing. ♥
So on that note, Warped Tour was last weekend. Due to unforseen circumstances, me and my girls missed some of the bands we wanted to see the most... which for me, meant Damone. Luckily, as I walked in the door, there they were! "You look familiar..." "Uh, yeah! I followed the Bullets and Octane tour." ha. I adore them all... I got a chance to gush to Noelle about how much I suddenly adore this band. I'm going to have so much fun following them on tour... So my day was almost shot from that point on. I got to see one of my favorite vegan boys! Actually, I got to see a lot of nice vegan boys! I had no idea Colin was one of the PETA2 staffers on this tour, so that was definitely the best surprise of the day. And you know, I guess as long as no one is grumbling about heart tattoos or calling me 'bullets,' then I really like the Adair boys! Hanging out with them by the RV was incredibly awkward. If someone could explain to me what Patrick meant by saying "Sorry, I thought I was on a date" 500 times to me, I would appreciate it! It was a good day, missing bands, getting lost and all. Joey and Laura are great girls.

This week went by so quickly, and the end of the year always gets so crazy anyway. The day that I was looking forward to the most completely bombed. Pay days are fun. I guess buying a big, soft, squishy messanger bag makes up for being forgotten the day before. Having a full time job, being on the phone with my best friend for 5 hours when I'm not hanging out late after work, going to shows or taking trips on weekends or just sleeping all fucking day ... it's just a lot to be thrown into quickly and some days, I seriously don't even have time to cook dinner or shower. It's crazy, but it's good. It's been a good, fast-paced few weeks and I better get used to it because even after moving, my life will still be like this if not even more hectic.

A part of one of the best conversations I had this week went something like this...
"Just think, when I move to Chicago, you're going to be 21 and I'll be 23."
"Are we going to be like those 25 year old girls that get botox?"
"No, we're going to be the girls that go out to bars every night."
"Are we going to dance on tables?!"
"Sometimes."

For someone notoriously concerned about loyalty, you sure do run your mouth about the last girl that you should cross.

xxx

That aside, let me set the scene for you:
It was last Thursday. I was with someone, standing out in the rain, and having a smoke. I don't remember what he was talking about, but he was pretty into his conversation. I started smoking my lucky right before he came to find me, and all through his conversation I'm half-listening, and half-thinking really hard about my wish.
I wished that somebody would hire me quickly at one of the places that I applied to that day.
... and today was my first day on the job.

I enjoy seldom public entries.

Today was good. It's been months since I haven't felt like some sort of ant or tourist downtown. I started to go into my crazed, perfectionist mode at the end of the day so I had to come home before I flipped out... ha. Before that, though! I accomplished things that I had been promising myself I'd do for months. The perfect ring is still at TJ Maxx, and I still only admired it through the glass. Do you know what is [once again] the best part of being in Chicago? Having an amazing friend who will litterally punch me when I start to fall back down.

Take note of the obnoxious smile [if only you could hear the giggles.] I think my little drawing sums up my day.

While dodging raindrops downtown, I ran into TJ Maxx where I spotted the perfect ring: a quarter-sized dark chocolate brown heart with a leopard print band. However, it was $25 and those Rancid tickets racked up a pretty hefty bill. It was really perfect for me, though! So, someone should go back and buy it asap. Consider it a birthday gift -- the only thing I truly want right now. It is 2006's red Dead End hoodie! Unfortunately, this birthday around there is no cute merch boy to haggle with... haha.

A very amazing friend said something incredibly simple but incredibly touching to me recently. It's changed my life for the time being, at least. I am almost completely positive that there is a safety net. Then, I get a little scared and think maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe I'm hoping for too much... but I don't think so. I just feel better. She knows what all this means... Come September or whenever, just to be able to seriously entertain the thought of being a part of a real safe home in a real community with real things to do with real friends in a real life is amazing, and exactly what I need. What do you do when vacations just don't cut it anymore? Pack up and move. Leaving problems in the dust and living out of a suitcase just may be what I do best.